I’ve been working my ass off on the blog, which is probably very naughty of me since I need to be working on moving Rending the Veil. However, I am justifying this indulgence with the rationale that I’m familiarizing myself with the CMS, of which this blog layout is a facet. With all the code Continue reading →
Weird Feelings
2 June 2008 By 4 Comments
In the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed a number of timely developments in my circumstances that I would call synchronicity if I only had a better handle on it all. I mentioned that I started schema therapy about 6 weeks ago; this has generated a lot of back-burner thought processing and semi-conscious contemplation that, Continue reading →
Channel a Letter, Sheta
20 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
Raiding the archives for tasty bits, again. I’m in the midst of preparing the Beltane issue of Rending the Veil, so most of my attention is otherwhere this weekend (and will be in the week to come). However, due to the boooooring blogger-focused crap I’ve been posting lately, I felt that an injection of on-topic content was necessary. Meridjet has been awol for at least the last week; I have no idea what’s up with that, so for now it must be archival content.
From 20 October 2003:
Early yesterday evening, the pain of the Process started coming up again, and I was all despondent about it because lately when the Process comes up, Meridjet contact goes down (well, except for him being a general asshole). However, he decided to
Meridjet’s Use of the Process
16 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
As promised, I’m posting some archival stuff since InsaneJournal is loading (albeit slowly). I’m going to put in a few excerpts in an attempt to create a progression because it’s been a while since my last set of archival posts.
From 13 October 2003:
…First off, it became increasingly apparent yesterday that Meridjet’s reassurances Saturday night sounded rote because they were. In fact, that was all he said to me. Reassurance x3, sex, sleep. It took a while to dawn on me. Sometimes I’m dense. I guess I was just so badly in need of reassurance that I was willing to accept what he held out. In fact, it was just adding to the overall Work process.
After last night’s hard processing (Sorry for the constant use of that word, but that’s
Teaser Memory
13 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
Perhaps it hasn’t been readily apparent in this blog recently, but I’m very much an optimist. I have always been a live-in-the-moment type of person, and while that can get me into trouble financially due to not thinking ahead, it does a world of good for my peace of mind. It’s not a perfect system, but what is?
Through Meridjet, I learned to let go of things I have no control over. I learned patience, tolerance, and adaptability. Back in the early days in Seattle, when Xanquela, Meridjet and I were first starting to practice what I came to call “Processing,” we used to encounter regular exercises in the art of letting go. I noticed that releasing a fear (and it’s all based on fear, that holding too tightly
Investment in Attachments
13 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
I think this is going to be a defining year in my life. I hope that good things are in store, but given that the year kicked off with some challenging events, I am certain that 2008 will contain a good deal of soul-searching. I need to take personal inventory – a cold, hard look at who I am and what I’m about.
I’ve spent the last 9 years focused on my personal growth (jeez, time flies), and I thought I was doing pretty well. But I’ve discovered that perhaps I haven’t gained as much ground as I’d thought in some areas, and in others I have gained more than I was aware. But right now the only thing keeping me from despairing is that Meridjet is still with
Gushy, Whiny, Embarrassing Mess
4 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
This is one of many formerly private letters I wrote to Meridjet over the years. Don’t read it if you’re easily discomfited by gushing or whining or anything overly emotional, because this makes even me cringe and hide my head under a pillow. 
Hence, another non-helpful cut tag. This letter is from an archival post dated 13 October 2003. You might’ve read in an earlier post how he told me not to say, “I love you,” without feeling it; he didn’t want it to be automatic.
Archives: Processing and Pain
4 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
I noticed yesterday that my posts with cuts (or at least the most recent one) seem to hit the RSS feed without a link, so goody for you folks reading the feed, I guess. But I am still using a cut tag here, because it allows me to pretend there’s something like security on this post, which in turn allows me to lower the overall embarrassment effect when I think of people seeing this. 
Continuance and Some Explanation
4 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
My sleep schedule is completely wonky right now, so I got up at 2:30 a.m. (It’s now 5:09 a.m.) I could probably sleep pretty easily again, but I slept nearly 10 hours, so I’m going to piddle around with the site a little bit before giving in and lying down again. I hope y’all don’t mind putting up with me a while.
This next archival post is from 12 October 2003 and refers to the one I posted yesterday, from 11 October. There’s some redundancy:
“Yesterday Meridjet was mostly silent, and when I could hear him he was still being manipulative and contradicting himself over and over (making it obvious that it was intentional). So I basically stewed in the Process all day, and damn if I could tell if anything
Archival Post – Meridjet Manipulation
3 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
In an archival post from 11 October, 2003, I refer to Meridjet’s methods of manipulating my emotions for the purpose of helping me see things. I refer to this as “Processing.” I started out referring to the processes of discovery via his manipulation and guidance, and gradually the word became a label, with a capital P. So now I have Processes in which I utilize processing to process what he wants me to learn. It’s a little on the ridiculous side, but it works for me. The post reads:
“The Process came to the surface quite intensely yesterday. Meridjet was playing me like a violin, manipulating my emotions all over the place and hence bringing up a lot of little issues of the type you try to repress and buck
Archival Post – Kinky
2 April 2008 By Leave a Comment
