InfPos - Pagan mentors, readers, tarot, channeling, spirits
Limitations exist only in our minds.
Good morning, everyone, and I hope your day is off to a great start! I thought I might take this opportunity to tell you about the new site and what it means, why I elected to do it, and what you can get out of it. I apologize for not getting to this sooner, but Continue reading →
Karma is so much simpler than most people think, particularly those of a New Age or “newbie pagan” bent. If you snarl at people all day, pretty soon people snarl back, yes? When you put something out there, it immediately begins the journey back to you — some things just take longer to arrive than Continue reading →
Quote by Jude Law as “Doctor Watson” in 2010′s Sherlock Holmes, and which I use on a page I’m working on. One of the clutter items I’m drowning in is notebooks. Spiral bound, ledger, datebooks, diaries, 3-ring binders of various sizes, and so on. I have stacks of notebooks, either blank, full, or with various Continue reading →
Perhaps it hasn’t been readily apparent in this blog recently, but I’m very much an optimist. I have always been a live-in-the-moment type of person, and while that can get me into trouble financially due to not thinking ahead, it does a world of good for my peace of mind. It’s not a perfect system, but what is?
Through Meridjet, I learned to let go of things I have no control over. I learned patience, tolerance, and adaptability. Back in the early days in Seattle, when Xanquela, Meridjet and I were first starting to practice what I came to call “Processing,” we used to encounter regular exercises in the art of letting go. I noticed that releasing a fear (and it’s all based on fear, that holding too tightly
My sleep schedule is completely wonky right now, so I got up at 2:30 a.m. (It’s now 5:09 a.m.) I could probably sleep pretty easily again, but I slept nearly 10 hours, so I’m going to piddle around with the site a little bit before giving in and lying down again. I hope y’all don’t mind putting up with me a while.
This next archival post is from 12 October 2003 and refers to the one I posted yesterday, from 11 October. There’s some redundancy:
“Yesterday Meridjet was mostly silent, and when I could hear him he was still being manipulative and contradicting himself over and over (making it obvious that it was intentional). So I basically stewed in the Process all day, and damn if I could tell if anything
In an archival post from 11 October, 2003, I refer to Meridjet’s methods of manipulating my emotions for the purpose of helping me see things. I refer to this as “Processing.” I started out referring to the processes of discovery via his manipulation and guidance, and gradually the word became a label, with a capital P. So now I have Processes in which I utilize processing to process what he wants me to learn. It’s a little on the ridiculous side, but it works for me. The post reads:
“The Process came to the surface quite intensely yesterday. Meridjet was playing me like a violin, manipulating my emotions all over the place and hence bringing up a lot of little issues of the type you try to repress and buck
Another archival post. Between reading this post and updating the site over the last couple of days with regard to tags and categories, I’m firmly reminded that I still have yet to write the detailed post on doubt I promised a while back. I should probably get a notebook to keep a list of intended subject matter, but right now I have so many lists that I can’t find one for the 80 others piled haphazardly on top of it. To say I need to get better organized is something of an understatement, but there is progress on that front already. This week, alas, has been a sort of bubble of nightmarish worries overtaking regular activity, but if you ignore the last four days, things are moving smoothly along
In this post from 1 October 2003, I describe an encounter with an entity of the sort I call “Negs,” which is short for “negative entities.” I started calling them that in 1999 upon Meridjet’s return, which is when I first knowingly encountered them. A Neg is a less-evolved spirit that mimics the spirit companion flawlessly (typically with permission, so as to teach discernment) and then, at just the right moment, says or does something out of character for the SC – something hurtful or shocking. The goal is to inspire a strong emotional reaction in the human partner, which the Neg then feeds upon. You can see more about spirits feeding on energy on this page. The encounter described below is fairly simplistic, but a majority of
I’ve been away for various reasons, and I’m not sure how much attention my various blogs and journals will get in the immediate future, but I’ll do my best to keep up.
Recently, my friend Kinjou Ten introduced me, sort of by proxy, to Michelle Belanger, author of the book The Psychic Vampire Codex and head of House Kheperu. I had heard of her from him prior to this, and from various other folks in passing, but was only vaguely informed on what exactly House Kheperu is and what she’s like. (I know this seems perhaps off-topic for this blog, but bear with me.) The things I’d heard about their paradigm were strange and off-putting, but there was at the same time a sort of glimmer in the back
In a post from 21 August 2003, I was listing things from even further in the past that I had been discussing with Don in chat. A bullet list, as it was posted:
I’ve been busy cleaning house today (well, yesterday, more accurately), trying to get a lot of work done while my roommate is out of town. I haven’t been to sleep yet but I’m heading that way momentarily. I wanted to post a quick archival post from August 19, 2003, so that the blog wouldn’t go without a post for the night.
This post contains potential TMI of a sexual nature, so I’m going to put in a cut. You can read the bulk of it by clicking the link. Also, please ignore the lousy writing. I am tempted to clean it up but I try to leave my archives as they were originally written. I consider it more honest.
The degree to which every person is a proverbial island impresses me more deeply every year, I think. Perhaps it is so blatant and frakkin’ horrible to me because I’ve had the blessing of a telepathic and empathic link with another being, in my relationship to Meridjet. Every year of my life that passes finds me more skeptical than the year before about the possibility of ever finding another person who understands me and who won’t at some point abandon me. I have an intricate history of searching. Let me tell you a little about it. (Old friends of my various journals may be somewhat familiar with some of the things I’ll be saying in this post.)
Not sure where to begin, but why not throw caution to the wind
Today’s look at the archives brings us a short post from the midst of doubt:
“August 15, 2003 — I still haven’t had any contact. Yesterday I was having a fat day. I felt really fat all day. lol Today I’m having a crazy day. I feel like I’ve lost my mind, and he is a figment of my imagination. Never mind the numerous little ‘proofs’ I’ve had; those lose their effect in time. I also know that if it were all in my head, there wouldn’t be all these damn breaks in contact… 
But, none of this matters in the face of doubt. New contact needed, preferably with something unexpected so that I can feel all validated and safe again. heh.”
Doubt is its own particular kind of hell
Last post of the night… I’m hitting the sack early because I slept like shit today. But I found another post (after getting distracted fixing a few issues on Rending the Veil) that had something worth documenting here. Here’s the pertinent portion (August 2003):
“Saturday night while chatting w/Don, Meridjet started coming in pretty well and I opened to let him talk to Don. …he was coming thru stronger on that level than he has since ’99 or ’00. It went alright for a while, then he said something that didn’t feel right and that Don didn’t agree with, and I panicked and thought I was getting in the way of it. I kind of spiraled into another doubtfest and got upset. After a few minutes I calmed down, and
I am going through the old archives again right now, trying to get some additional material into this blog. I found an interesting dream post, dated 11 August 2003. (I started at the beginning of the archives, which began November of 2002 and remain very sporadic, still, in 2003.) The “Don” in the post is occult author Donald Tyson, who’s a good friend of ours. The post reads:
“Yesterday I wasn’t really having much in the way of contact, but at one point I perceived him standing behind me, playing with my hair. Later as I was chatting with Don, I got kind of achy for Meridjet. This happens when I am without substantial contact for a few days. I said something to Don about being mopey. Last couple of
This excerpt is from a post I made in July of 2003. It remains the only time that I have personally ever directly seen any physical manifestation of Meridjet.
The post reads:
“Wanted to document that the other morning as I was getting ready to go to sleep and it was light out, I saw something next to me in the bed. I was looking at the wall across the room and in the area of the left side of the bed I saw that shimmering effect like heat from the hood of a car, or from the pavement on a hot day. It was very clear and I didn’t have to relax my eyes to see it. I hadn’t been feeling Meridjet prior to seeing that but I am figuring
vics (very important clicks)