My situation grows increasingly dire, financially, and there are no solutions. I am vacillating between crime and suicide, not because I want to do either, but because something must happen or my family will not make it. I am shifting over to the perspective that there is no hope, and it will never change, and I am completely fucking useless to fix it. I can’t make $20, let alone the $500 it’s going to take to get back in the green. Allegedly, I have this great talent that everybody envies or wants to utilize, but it certainly isn’t making me any money. I’m not trying to be greedy here. I just want to live a normal life.
My roommate has been losing it for the last two days, throwing a fit just about every moment he’s not sleeping — which he’s doing a lot of, trying to avoid reality. I’ve been barely holding it together, because everyone can’t freak out at once, right? Someone has to function, to try to think up solutions. But the later it gets, the harder it gets to hold on, and I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. At least if I left, or something, nobody would have to worry about me anymore. I could be out of the equation, and everyone would be happier. I don’t know what else to do.
I’m so fucking terrified, if I thought it would do any good, I’d pray for a miracle, like Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life. His entire town came to his rescue, to show him that life is wonderful, but that isn’t going to happen to me. So what’s the fucking point, seriously? I am so scared. I have nothing of value to hock, I already tried and all my electronics are too old.
I’m open to suggestions. Otherwise, there’s a distinct possibility that sometime in the next month or so, I will vanish from the ‘net and you’ll just have to get along without me.
About Sheta Kaey
::a million hugs::
Neither crime nor suicide is the answer. They are not going to help your family. Your family will only be worse off if you’re in jail or dead. Please, if you keep feeling this way, call a suicide hotline or something. And remember that there are people, lots of people, who love you. Maybe we’re not all gathered into one small town, but there are probably as many of us as there were in Bedford Falls.
::more hugs::
If 100 people each sent $5, I’d make it.
I don’t think I have 100 friends who’d be willing to do that. I probably don’t even have 5.
I just feel very alone and without any hope at all.
I want to help… how can I send you some money? I’m not finding a paypal link here.
My PayPal address is sheta@rendingtheveil.com. Thank you so very, very much.
I have it sent. I hope it will help you out. You are an amazing and gifted person, never give up hope. It’s hard, I know from personal experience, but you are very strong. Keep your head and your hopes up. There are many here who care.
OMG! Thank you so much, that gets me almost halfway there! You are an angel of mercy, and you have my undying gratitude. I’m crying. lol
I am glad I was able to help, but I’m no angel by any means. Just keep up hope. Life surprises you when you least expect it at times.
I need to play the updating the finances game this weekend but I will see if I can do anything.
Thank you for even thinking of me.
I am very grateful to everyone for their support and kind regards.
It could always be worse… you could have stepped out for a cigarette this morning and got dive-bombed like I did.
You probably deserved it.
Because you try to deafen yourself and go “la la la I can’t hear you!” due to allergies. 
Or possibly because subtlety is not in your repertoire. lol
I don’t see why this is about my allergies or lack of tact, now… Here I was, trying to be supportive, and suddenly it’s all about how I deserve to be dive-bombed. I see how you are. Fine! I’ll just go back to my dark corner of the Internet and sob quietly to myself, alone…
Emo corner! Cally’s gone to her emo corner! *wicked cackle*
It’s a comfy corner decorated all the colors of the painbow. And you’re not invited. I can barely type for tears of rejection and sorrow blur my vision, and the terrible soul-numbing chill of isolation that makes my hands shake…
… And my grade-school teacher said I had no future in the dramatic arts. Ha!
Such powers of description surely belong in a novel, not in my humble li’l journal.
Sheta,
Don’t do anything out of fear. Period. You’re not thinking straight when you are in fear. Don’t do something you’ll only regret later.
Obviously I don’t know you, but I bet I’m right when I say that you have other talents than the one you are writing about. Use them. I think you’re stronger than you’re letting on.
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You’re right, of course. I am hanging in there.
As for talents, I’m using everything I can. I’m not really employable in the usual sense.
You may have already investigated this, but I have a dear friend from my hometown who is classified by the government as unemployable and gets the equivalent of the wages she would make working tax free from the government. Definitely look into that. Also if you are having trouble getting food, go apply for food stamps. It will take some guts to be humble enough to ask for help, but it is worth it. Trust me. I was on foodstamps for the last 4 months while I was unemployed. I would have died of starvation without them.
Yeah, I’m on that. I was getting them, and a paperwork snafu interrupted them. I filled out a new application and hopefully it won’t be long.
- Find a job that suits your condition/situation,
If you can’t leave the house, get employed as a telephone psychic or a tarot reader for a network. If you can’t deal with a corporate work environment, clean people’s houses, mow their fucking lawns, babysit their kids, or offer to make food for/assist the elderly.
- Stop picking up every stray dumb motherfucker you meet on the internet and then crying that it’s not your fault when they screw you over. Take responsibility for your choices
- Look into social benefits/public assistance (foodstamps, welfare, affordable housing)
- Look into energy assistance to aid with bills
- Cultivate another skill (such as programming or web design) and learn to effectively market your abilities. If the skills you have don’t work to gain employment, get different skills
Been there, done most of that. Making money now, just need to catch up. This is my favorite bit:
Stop picking up every stray dumb motherfucker you meet on the internet and then crying that it’s not your fault when they screw you over. Take responsibility for your choices.
Good point. Though my current roommate is not a stray; I’ve known him for 30 years.
We’ll make it.
PS. Who the hell are you?