Book Series, Part 2 – Doubt

What follows will be the last unfiltered bit of my manuscript that I will post. If you’d like to see more, please go here and sign up for this series.

Chapter One, part 2: Doubt

Doubt is one of the hardest challenges in the spirit companion (SC) relationship. Doubt can be anything from objectively waiting for more information to the agonizing fear that you are flat out nuts. Some doubt is normal, and the level you feel at any given time is likely to fluctuate. What you can accept one day, you might find yourself rejecting the next. This does not invalidate prior experiences, though (as mentioned above) you may have a strong urge to discard previous records or change earlier judgments. Rather than excising your records or past events in angry or frustrated dismissal, simply record the feelings of the current event and endeavor to refrain from absolutely discounting anything. The same logic applies when you are eager to accept every conceivable and mildly strange event as a manifestation — use caution and record the events and your feelings. You should allow yourself to develop discernment, and the most useful discernment is one that you must learn through trial and error, through experience. Formalized magical training typically does not provide anything of this nature. If you received training in discernment, or know of a way to do so, consider yourself blessed; however, this is not something that you could read in a book and understand without having had the experience already. As with any of the Mysteries, it defies description. You just have to be there.

Many magicians view spirit activity as a manifestation of the psyche in a more tangible form. They see this as the rational approach, and some magical orders or fraternities promote this view. At the same time, they advise that while you should not make the error of assuming a spirit is an independent reality, you should still treat the manifestation as autonomous and capable of free will – since that is how it will behave (Crowley 2004). My own perspective has always been that the universe is full of strange things, and that includes a wide variety of beings, spirits, and planes of existence. My evidence has borne this out, though it’s true that a person’s evidence will generally support their original theory due to their personal bias. “What the Thinker thinks, the Prover proves (Wilson 1992).”

My opinion is that regardless of your view of a spirit’s ultimate reality, the spirit companion relationship can still be a valuable experience that contributes to your overall spiritual progress. You should not necessarily argue the semantics, but you should maintain as much objectivity as possible with regard to understanding events as they occur and the dangers inherent in accepting too quickly or rejecting out of hand.

The gullible, eagerly accepting practitioner is the one who “toots her own horn” the loudest. She is therefore more visible and through that visibility, the more unusual phenomena gain a reputation for being automatically dismissible. Furthermore, a practitioner who has not gained a secure sense of her own reliability, and who wants to be taken seriously by her peers, unthinkingly rejects anything out of the ordinary in an effort to appear grounded and sane. When a newcomer introduces herself with outlandish stories immediately, the other practitioners flame (verbally attack) her as a matter of course. This, unfortunately, describes the standard reaction of most of the modern magical community. Examples of this type of situation are the Thelemites, who are collectively some of the most skeptical magicians practicing today. Many newcomers to Thelema are eager to do a little work and read a few books, then declare themselves as having reached the elusive and difficult Thelemic goal of Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel.

Also known as “KCHGA,” the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel refers to the rare attainment of a conscious working relationship with one’s higher genius, the spiritual embodiment of one’s potential. Semantics vary and are arguable. Half of the point of Thelemic conceptualization is to find your own meaning and let it grow with you as you progress. Discussion of Thelemic tenets for purposes of analysis is officially banned; this does not stop people from doing so, however. Thelemites earn KCHGA through strict adherence to the tenets of the Thelemic philosophy. This is a comparatively rare achievement, and it is even more rarely boasted by true adepts, as one who boasts of KCHGA tends to be one who has not attained it, or so the proponents state. (The purpose of the Holy Guardian Angel, which is said to be similar to Socrates’ daimonion, is to guide a person to their life’s purpose. Socrates’ daimonion never guided him toward anything, but only warned him against things, so the comparison is of limited use.) Newcomers make this announcement so often that practitioners of Thelema routinely roll their eyes at such claims. Furthermore, making the claim automatically brings one’s general credibility into question.

This skeptical atmosphere is prevalent in today’s magical community. Anyone too willing to claim a spirit companion openly will earn a great deal of covert snickering and perhaps some open mockery as well. For this reason, it is a very good idea to have solid evidential records and to present the situation very gradually. (In fact, this is good advice in general, as it’s not only magicians who may scoff at your claims.) You should refrain from making broad statements of grandiosity or claims of great mystical experience, even if you feel they are true. It is best to allow assimilation of unfamiliar circumstances to occur at a comfortable pace – the same way it was for you when it was initially happening. Try to remember the periodic (or more frequent) doubts which you have experienced, and realize that it’s that much harder to accept the experience all at once, particularly when you have not personally witnessed the events nor seen any evidence.

As this phenomenon becomes more widespread, general familiarity will rise, giving way to wider acceptance. Evidence is the key to acceptance, and while most magical practitioners realize that evidence of magick is largely arbitrary, there are consistencies in experience that give credence and weight to similar situations. Over time, the SC phenomenon will attract more interest and gain more credibility. There is enormous potential in the SC relationship, both on a personal level and on a community one.

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