Wow, Nostalgia

My mood has been all over the place lately. The last couple of hours, I’ve been damn happy. Mostly lately, I’ve been blah. I’m savoring this happy time. So I’m working on my book and listening to Winamp. And Rush’s “The Trees” comes on, and wow… what a rush. No pun intended. I’m remembering with full force why I had every Rush album after Neil Peart joined, up until about 1989 when I stopped buying vinyl. Or maybe I stopped after Signals came out. Anyway. How intense was this?

When I was in my teens through my early 30s, music ruled my life. I mean I followed bands all over the place, knew scads of musicians and smaller-time business people, and generally was insane and having a great time. Then it sort of stopped around the time I met Meridjet. I don’t think those are connected, because while he was with me the first two years, it was still a major influence. I was in Seattle at the time, after all, during the heyday of grunge, from 1992-1996. After I moved here, I guess, to Texas, and went into an enormous, three year Dark Night of the Soul that seems more abysslike every time I consider it. I quit caring about anything. Anything. I wasn’t depressed. It was more like I was dead, in every sense of the word but the literal.

I’ve been here now 13 and 1/2 years, and that’s about four times as long as I’ve ever lived in one city at one stretch, let alone one house. It’s also just over one quarter of my life so far… I’ll be 49 in March. (As I listen for “You are not that old!”) Being here encompasses a huge chunk of my life, and the changes in accordance with that. I somehow doubt that 13 years of almost total solitude with internet friends only hurt. (But at least I grew, and didn’t suffer for it as a soul, I guess. Also, I’m not counting the time Jesi lived here as having local friends, since she was internet first, and she started lying to my face inside six months while calling herself a “friend.”)

This is clearly a rambly entry. lol. I hope that’s okay with you. ;) Anyway, the music since I moved here has failed to really penetrate my consciousness as a general rule — I can’t keep track of bands or song names, and almost never know who performs what and so on. Put on some Neil Young, though… ;) now you’re talking. I grew up in the sixties and seventies. I am particularly well-versed for the late seventies and early to mid eighties. MTV didn’t suck then. My music apprehension was perfect up through Soundgarden’s Superunknown album, and then boom, it was like I lost my ear. If Meridjet points out a song, I have to find out who it is and what the lyrics are. He’s done this a few times, and generally I never fail to cry when I get the lyrics. (Bastard. Just kidding.) You might say that I subconsciously memorized the lyrics I can’t make out when I do get the nudge, but due to the number of times he’s done this, I think the odds are against it being a Scully-solvable situation. Just my opinion, you know.

Counting Crows is on now. “Time and Time Again.” I remember when their first album came out — I was in Seattle — and I read a glowing review that convinced me to buy the album when all I’d heard then was “Mr. Jones.” The record was very original, and the guy sang at what initially felt like all the wrong moments. I wavered on not liking it at first hearing, so I determined to give it a fair shake and muscle through. (Pardon the mixed metaphor.) After a couple of days, my friend Xanquela and I were fans. True story. (ROFL. I’m sorry. I just feel like I’m blabbering on about the most boring shit in the universe, right now.)

So, no one ever comments on my blog anymore. Why not? Do I post too infrequently to stay on your schedule/reading list, or is it just that you have nothing to say? I wonder. I miss your comments. Of course, on LiveJournal I occasionally get comments, but not remotely like the old days when I actually hung out there. People on LJ don’t comment on you if they suspect you aren’t reading them. I mean to, but sometimes I just get distracted and time passes. I welcome any kicks or pokes you’d like to administer if you miss me on your LJ. Seriously.

Well, I’ll shut up now. Peter Gabriel’s on. I have good music. Woot. G’night.

P.S. The thumbnail photo of Henry Rollins is by yours truly. :)

Sheta Kaey About Sheta Kaey

I teach people to perceive, communicate, and work with spirits. Beyond that, I'm kinda normal.

Sometimes I write things. Sometimes I edit things. Sometimes, people even see them.


  1. A lot of my most favorite albums are ones that I don’t like on the first few listens oddly enough. This is true for my sister too. It’s almost a bad sign for me if I like something right away! And I like Rush a lot too.

    • It’s been years since I bought a CD. I think the last one I bought was when Nirvana came out with that post-mortem single tacked onto a greatest hits album. Sad. :P

  2. I usually read the feed via LJ and it does not normally occur to me to post comments. I am often amazed myself at where life takes someone. I certainly didn’t figure I’d be living with parents even after college nor on ANY of the things that have happened since graduating college three years ago. (Yes I am younger than you but we’re collectively not that old!) It;s been a strange and magickal life and one that hasn’t ceased to amaze or bewilder. :)
    .-= Ren´s last blog .. =-.

    • I would never have guessed that I’d end up “settling” in Texas — it’s not my favorite place in the world. But I have issues that proximity to family can certainly alleviate. Living with parents after college isn’t so bad — imagine living with them when you’re 35! lol

  3. I think that there has been very little posting of comments because of the involution of the year. That said, when anyone of us do a “catch up” there is just so much to catch up on that it can be overwhelming.

    and…requisite “you aren’t that old” you and I are the same age.

    • When I state my age, I often surprise people who think I’m younger than that. So I hear “You canNOT be that old!” a lot of the time.

      This year has brought me out of my shell. Maybe I just miss it, or maybe I need to find my “extrovert” voice. lol

  4. Should I be commenting more? Woops.

    I think it has to do with how infrequently you post recently, and when you do post it feals more like your talking to the void then to people, and so it is harder to find a justifiable response. More rambling then discusion. Granted, I dont have a large sample to work with as I only started reading near the beginning of this year.

    • Talking to the void, in my case at least, assumes people are listening or reading. Without the exchange of ideas or the knowledge that someone’s been reached, it makes talking harder and harder to do. So the posts get more boring rather than more interesting or more detailed. It feels like talking to the wall. ;)

      Believe it or not, my LiveJournal used to be a lot more in the vein of oversharing. I think I need to find a central thread for this blog, or something. Something that feels right to me as well as to the reader. Most people who have blogs on the open, public internet like this write about a topic and limit their posts to that topic. I never have — this blog is for me as much as it is for the reader. I think it’s up to the reader whether the personal content is a distraction or a bonus. I’ve never had feedback as to that opinion, though.

  5. You’re not that old. You’re younger than my parents ;) I have so many online friends who are older than me, from a few years older to older than my parents! It’s pretty awesome. Feed me your wisdom!

    I suspect I would be commenting more often had I realized that I was missing posts. Whoops. I’ll try to come by more frequently and log in.

    • Are you reading the feed or one of my journals? At LJ or at Dreamwidth? I wonder why they weren’t showing up. There’s a plugin here that crossposts to LJ and DW as well as to the feeds. I like the feed numbers though… they make me look popular. Ish. lol

      I often wonder if this blog is worthy of a place on the internet. It’s so personal… it’s more suited to a journaling site but after what happened with LJ being sold etc., it’s difficult for me to trust any journaling site to retain its integrity. So I just moved to my own site. Problem solved, but these new problems emerged. I have no idea what I should be doing here or where my expression needs to shift — so many changes make stumbling all too easy.

      • I’m reading via the feed which shows up in my IJ friends list. It never occurs to me to sign in at DW, even though I have an account there… I trust it, since I know some of the people involved in its creation, but it’s not very popular and I can understand your perspective!

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