Where’s YOUR Clitoris?

Random memory time. A few years back on LiveJournal, I was a member of several sexuality communities ranging from “Fem Submissives” (which I owned for a short stint when it was passed to me, before I ultimately passed it on to someone else) and other kink communities to “Sex Tips,” which I helped out on by answering questions for the clueless weergins out there. At some point, and I can’t remember if this was on Sex Tips or some other community (I’m thinking the latter), someone posted a poll. It asked one memorable question: Where is your clitoris? The multiple choice answers provided gave various distances from the mouth of the vagina… in millimeters, which completely threw me. Not because it was a metric measurement, but because it was a ridiculous metric measurement. Centimeters, sure, but millimeters? Okay then.

Now understand this. A centimeter is roughly 1/3 of an inch, or more accurately (thanks Google), there are 2.54 centimeters per inch. There are ten millimeters per centimeter… or 25.4 millimeters per inch. With that in mind, ponder the available choices: 5mm, 10mm, 15mm, 20mm, and 25mm or over. Say what? Imagine further that there were no answers of “25mm or over,” and that most said either 5 or 10 mm. I hesitated, wondering if I’d woke up on another plane of reality where clitorises (clitori? :P ) were truly on the verge of the narrow abyss and I was a freak, but in the end I posted a comment. Based on memory, it was something like this:

“I am not European so am accustomed to the ungainly “inch” measurement, but by my best estimation, my clitoris is about 2 inches from my vagina.”

The girl who posted the poll, and I’m certain she was someone in that community’s authority, replied haughtily (or so I imagined) that my freakish clitoris was about 40 mm from my equally freakish vagina. I was dutifully embarrassed and did not reply. I could imagine, in my doubts as to my universe that morning, everyone answering 5 mm wondering wheretf I learned my craptastic sense of anatomy. (I had similar reaction to Jesi’s correction of my pronunciation of the word “perineum,” which astounded me at the time. I’ve taken a college course on human sexuality – how did we somehow miss saying “perineum”?) But in this case, I am quite certain I know where my clitoris is (having diddled it often enough), and quite certain that a good 90% of those respondents had no bleeding idea where their clitorises were. A lot of men, unfortunately, share their ignorance.

Guys? That bumpy thing by the vagina that you think is the clitoris? That’s the urethra. That’s where urine passes from the woman’s body, and no, it’s not much of a joyjoy spot. The clitoris is typically located at the top of the vulva, just inside where the minor lips (labia minora) split. (When in doubt, look for the moan/squeal.) This is one reason why most women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone and must have manual stimulation. Your lovely penis isn’t rubbing anything nearly as important as you might believe.

For those who need, um, a map:

Map to the clit


Carry on, ladies and gents. And make it count. ;) (Maybe next time we’ll discuss the prostate and that whole business, just for you.) And you thought maybe this blog was a drag. :))

Sheta Kaey About Sheta Kaey

I teach people to perceive, communicate, and work with spirits. Beyond that, I'm kinda normal.

Sometimes I write things. Sometimes I edit things. Sometimes, people even see them.


  1. I’m actually relieved to read that… because it means I’m not the only one who used to think the urethra was the clitoris. Heh. I hope those other girls managed to figure it out, though!

    • Why is your icon not working? :-|

      It seems to be a common mistake. I learned mine at age 11 or 12, when puberty started and I discovered how good it felt to rub against a pillow. lol. Getting that omg feeling in a certain spot sort of gave it away. :oops:

      This is just another reason why kids need sex education, mho.

    • Now you have an icon! Yay! lol. And an “account,” so to speak. Hit me on email if you don’t get a pw note.

      Don’t let me forget to do your other question/reading. I just now remembered it (I have a memory like a sieve) but don’t have time at the moment.

      I hope you like the icon. It was a lot of work. lol

  2. I was thirty-some years old before I knew female anatomy well enough to know that the clitoris and the urethra were located in separate places. By this time I’d had a child so obviously I’d had sex at some point. Many females are very ignorant about our bodies.
    I’m sure this will sound crazy but I refuse to get “those” exams. I do not like anyone messing around with my “down there.” I haven’t been sexually active in more than ten years and I do not intend to be so again. Therefore I see no reason for anyone to have to mess with my “down there.”

    • I have a female gynecologist and I try to always see a woman gyn. I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but the very fact that you have to use “down there” and words in quotes to refer to your genitalia shows that you have issues concerning your sexuality. I hope it gets better for you.

      I haven’t had sex with a physical person since 1991. I have had a lot of sex with Meridjet in that time span, though. Physical sex can be very nice but is sometimes painful for me, and I really don’t want to have to go through all of the initial nervousness of being naked in front of a man, again. What a nightmare.

      Maybe you should try sex with a woman. :)

  3. I’m straight as an arrow, though not narrow. Many years ago when very drunk I sort of fooled around with another female and my only thought was “well, that was dull as all get out. She had the same stuff I do.” I despise the idea of casual sex and could never feel romantic love for a woman, so it would just be wrong to do that again.
    My feelings about being touched in that area aren’t going to change. There’s too much bad history. I don’t trust counselors and I don’t trust doctors. I reckon I’m just fucked…so to speak.

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