Food For Thought

A friend of mine who is wise well beyond her years left me a comment in my LJ co-dependency crosspost (same post I made here).

I don’t see you enabling people so much as . . . I don’t know, thriving on them working with you, not quite “needing” you but something along those lines . . . It’s very hard to express. It’s the sort of thing that when well balanced is the foundation of the caring professions, but isn’t so good when it becomes like a doctor *wanting* people to be ill so that the doctor can help.

I don’t think it’s that you want them to need you to prop them up, so much as you getting so much out of helping them that in many ways you need that. And it all gets very intense and very messy.

Like I said, I dunno if “co-dependance” as a textbook diagnosis is going to fit, but as a general starting concept, it’s not so bad.

Btw, I’m not sure that boundaries, limiting relationships, holding back, is as much the solution as rather, reworking yourself so that you simply don’t *want* to dive in headfirst :P So that you’re perfectly happy with something not being a near symbiotic relationship.

This is very perceptive, particularly this bit: “I don’t think it’s that you want them to need you to prop them up, so much as you getting so much out of helping them that in many ways you need that. And it all gets very intense and very messy.” That fits me perfectly. I really do enjoy being needed in my spirit companion work, and I enjoy helping people, plus it helps me to rev up my own work with Meridjet. It’s like a whole package. It didn’t happen like this when Jaeelle moved in, because she withdrew from everything and wasn’t ever open to working once she lived here. (This is precisely how Meridjet predicted things would go — that we’d be distracted and in the everyday living situation, the work would get lost.)

Constructive analysis beats snark, 1-0. Carry on.

Sheta Kaey About Sheta Kaey

I teach people to perceive, communicate, and work with spirits. Beyond that, I'm kinda normal.

Sometimes I write things. Sometimes I edit things. Sometimes, people even see them.

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