I must apologize to the readers of this blog for my outburst yesterday. It was a weak moment for me, and I gave in and lived up to the descriptions of me being bandied about by Various and Sundry™. I don’t intend to allow it to happen again, but I must give public notice (since I refuse to attempt private communication again) to the offending martyrs that their email is now filtered directly to “delete,” and their IP is going to be blocked from this site again in about five minutes. As for the LiveJournal RSS syndicated account (found at meridjetfeed for those interested), there’s nothing I can do about that. I have been informed that many comments have been left for me there, but I have no intention of reading them because it’ll just upset me, and I’ve had enough of that.

Though I am sorry for anyone I offended with my diatribe yesterday, I think it serves as sufficient evidence that I have no qualms about telling people what I think directly. I don’t talk about people behind their backs any more than anyone else does, and I try to ensure that I also tell them the same things to their faces (or whatever you’d call direct Internet-based communication).

These two people, Kinjou and Jaeelle, were dear friends of mine. Jaeelle was my roommate. For six months they hid from me that they were involved in an online romance, and once it was revealed, they said they’d hid it so as not to upset me. (In fact, I was relieved that there was a good reason for their shutting me out.) But it was too late, and the seeds of discontent had been well sown. Jaeelle and I weren’t able to reconcile our differences and she moved out, going to Albany to live with Kinjou. We parted on decent terms, hugging goodbye and promising not to hate each other. Then the attacks started.

After everyone vented their issues for a while, Kinjou and I began to communicate in a civil manner. But each communication would be followed by another attack. The last I’d heard from him before the comment I found yesterday was him writing to ask nicely if I’d send Jaeelle’s forgotten photo album, and to let him know what it cost to mail and he’d send the funds. I sent the album, and never heard a single word of acknowledgment or thanks for its arrival, let alone the funds being repaid. That was about six-eight weeks ago, and I’ve heard nothing until the anonymous comment.

Charming way to let bygones be bygones, isn’t t? I acknowledged my faults and am trying very hard to dig out the issues I have in my personal relationships that absolutely contributed to this whole mess. But I wasn’t alone in having issues. I have not been forgiven, and the others refuse to take one iota of responsibility for anything that happened. Other than his love for Jesi, Kinjou never had any reason to turn against me. Loyalty is understandable, but this level of attack and venom is not… not to someone who was constantly reassured that she was a valued friend.

I just want to move on. Please leave me alone. If you need to contact me for any legitimate reason, you have my address. Do not show up uninvited at my home – if you need anything from here you need to write me in advance. Your calls are blocked, your email is blocked, and your IP is blocked. Have fun with ranting away on your journals and the comments of the RSS feed, but I won’t be reading. You’re just going to look like the unstable people you are, right where everyone can see you.

I deeply and emphatically miss you both and regret what has happened. But all efforts to move on have been construed as veiled attacks and all efforts to work it out have backfired. I’m finished. You both need help every bit as much as I do, and you’re both going to get hurt by each other if you don’t get that help. I hope you find ways to work it out between you if problems arise. You certainly haven’t ever given me a single benefit of the doubt or ever tried to work it out. I was a fool, and I’m sorry to admit it, but there it is.

ETA: Thanks to everyone who’s commented and commenting on my LiveJournal. I appreciate the support. I’d love to see it here, in public, but I understand why you chose to comment on the locked post instead.