Heads Up for the Unwary, and an Apology

I’ve adapted this post from an email I sent to my staff list (the staff of Rending the Veil). I feel it is pertinent enough to pass to others who may have to deal with me. The first paragraph is business, then it gets personal.

I have a couple of things to bring up, if you are open. One: business – I’ve moved the RTV sword logo to the left sidebar, and the blog/logged-in links to the right sidebar, essentially making the left sidebar the meta side, and the right sidebar the personal links side (to your friends, et al). The right sidebar also contains our affiliate links, which will move up to “above the fold” when the person is logged out – so for any unregistered user, there’s a decent chance to click on those. If you don’t mind taking a look and letting me know what you think, I’d appreciate it.

Two: personal –
I had a talk with Taylor [my boss at Immanion Press, and someone I’ve tried to friend off and on] on the phone tonight after he emailed me about my brusque nature of communicating. He had some good points to make, and I’d like to take a moment to share some things with you folks. [We resolved it, and feel we can both do better. :) And be friends.]

While this may verge on oversharing, I figure I can trust the bulk of you peeps, right? I have bipolar disorder (dx in 1991) and panic disorder, and I am legally disabled with these conditions. I don’t have a “real job” of the nature of clocking in and putting in x hours and getting a weekly or bi-weekly paycheck. I live on Social Security disability, and what I can make on the side. It is my fervent hope that my editing with Immanion Press, my writing, and this magazine will lead to a better life for me over time. It’s the first time that the spiritual, inner Sheta and the mundane, outer Sheta have really crossed paths in any real way. I really want to live more of who I am, as we all do.

The last 18 months have been very difficult for me because even a little bit of stress can be debilitating, and even good events of import are stressful. So between launching this magazine, getting a job with a real publisher, starting a book, moving in a roommate and then losing her as my best friend and roommate in a very ugly disagreement, major financial reprisals, and so on, I’ve had a monumentally stressful time. I tried working a real job for the first time in 16 years, and it made me sick and lost me a lot of respect from those who didn’t get why. I recently started schema therapy (about 4-5 weeks ago) that has touched on some painful issues but has not yet addressed any of them. They will all be revisited at length once the initial “inventory” is done, and I’m sure before I’m handling it all like gravy it will first kick my emotional ass all over the place.

My emotional rawness has already started to “leak” into my daily communications, and perhaps made me less able to see when I am being too harsh. For anyone who’s been injured by that, I apologize. It may happen again, but if it does, just write to me. I never mean to hurt anyone.

This magazine is important to me. One of the biggest issues I seem to have is regarding abandonment, and I am in a state of fear a lot of the time. I feel very alone and vulnerable, and no one seems to have time or interest to work with me or even talk to me, and without expressing any self-pity here, I just want to say that sometimes I find it difficult to react to the busy-ness of others in a balanced and understanding way. I react instead out of fear.

I hope you all will be able to extend some understanding to me and my work in the months to come as I try to gain understanding and heal these problems. I often have urges to shut down one thing or another (including this magazine) due to feeling that I’m completely alone in caring about it and feeling like I can’t possibly handle one more day of doing this almost entirely by myself. My organization is horrible right now, as is my time management, and I know that I have failed to take advantage of certain offers to help – not because I don’t want it, but because I get swamped and forget what’s what and who’s who, and am not sure how much to lean on anyone.

In hopesthat this makes sense without scaring anyone away,
Sheta Kaey

Sheta Kaey About Sheta Kaey

I teach people to perceive, communicate, and work with spirits. Beyond that, I'm kinda normal.

Sometimes I write things. Sometimes I edit things. Sometimes, people even see them.

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