Usually, he’s willing to provide “off-topic” support, but sometimes that’s withdrawn, too. It’s an ongoing issue with us, and I still don’t know how much is him and how much is me. I tend to feel that with his access to my deeper mind etc, that he knows me better than I do.

I know how it is on the trust front. I have issues as well, and I also had some really horrible things happen last year that pushed me nearly to the point of walking away from all my major esoteric work. (don’t ask, just know that it was BAD.) Things did turn around and they have improved, but it was a close call.

I know I don’t know nearly enough of the overall situation or M’s working, but one thing occurred to me this morning. He seems very much like he doesn’t want to coddle (and I know Thelema has a statement specifically against coddling) but in his quest to not coddle it appears he’s foregoing any possible comfort/support lest it turn into coddling.

(and if I am overstepping any bounds, let me know. I’d rather not step on toes or any other appendages.)

Solis last blog post..Plan for the weekend

That’s true about trust, as well as other relationship fundamentals. I don’t know that he doesn’t trust me, but it does seem as if he doesn’t care whether or not his word can be trusted. On the other hand, the issue is deeper and more complicated than this one post can describe, and our relationship is not something I can explain in simple terms. I do have trust issue and control issues, and I also have issues with giving away my power, and these are all things he works on in cycles.

It’s safe to say that my own view of the current situation is limited and probably not all that accurate, either. It’s just one step in the journey of understanding. It just depresses me that he could have used this to make some simple gestures to strengthen the trust and instead chose to present me with additional challenges. He’s never been an easy teacher.

On the matter of trust, I will share a lesson I have learned the very hard way. Trust is a two way street. If it’s truly going to happen, then that means it needs to be an active happening on both sides.

I am sure I could say more but right now I need to sleep more than anything else.

Solis last blog post..Plan for the weekend