Hope is Within You

Once in a while I receive an email from someone seeking my help or Meridjet’s help with problems and issues that I’m not remotely qualified for. Often, these people are already in counseling or other treatment that provide them the tools they need to solve things on their own. But I can’t abandon them to the silence of no reply, so I try to encourage them where I can.

Back in December, I received one such email from a man trying desperately to find hope. He had limited computer access, and after several failed attempts at trying to meet up on IM, he disappeared. I was just thinking about him yesterday as I was cleaning out my cluttered inbox. I finally archived his letters, as it had been three months since I last heard anything.

Wouldn’t you know it that there was a new email in my box today?

I’m going to post the content of his email, anonymously of course, and the content of my reply. It was the best I felt I was able to do on the spot, as I only just got online and I didn’t want to keep him waiting. Meridjet has been unavailable to consult.

The exact text, with spelling errors intact, and as one frantic paragraph – the way I received it:

Hi again. I haven’t contacted you in a while because frankly, I have been a mess. I really don’t know how you guys can help me in this situation, its just something I have to go through I guess. What I really need is some hope. I really want to believe that there is a higher power or powers that guide things. I need to know that there is something more than just the pain of this life. I was severely abused as a child and my adult life has not been much better. It seems like no matter how much I tried, something was keeping me back. Now with the addiction problem I had finally taken care of and being in counseling for my past, I am finally breaking free of my past. The only problem is that now the federal government wasn’t to put me away for 15 years. Through all my troubles, the only thing I feel I never messed up were my kids. I love them more than I can describe. If it were not for them I would have taken my own life. Being without them for so long is the worst fear I have ever had. Is there something more? Does everything really happen for a reason like everyone keeps saying? Are there powers that be that guide things? I understand that it was my actions that got me in the place I am now, but it was a coping mechanism for all the crap I went through as a child. I guess a kinda feel like I should have a “Get out of jail free” card because of all that happened to me before. That may sound ridiculous but I am really going through the worst ordeal of my life and I’m looking for something, ANYTHING, to give me some hope. I regularly work with the Runes and every time I read them they constantly say that this is a transformation. That this is a growing experience for me, but never anything comforting. I meditate and it makes me feel better for a while. I’m sorry I’m rambling but I am desperate. I just need to know that there is more than this life, because I certainly feel like I failed at this one. If you can think of anything to tell me I would love to hear from you. Thanks for reading this.

My reply, such as it is:

Hi —,

One thing that I know for sure about the “way things work” is that if the Universe (or God, or whatever you want to call it — I see it as impersonal and impartial) wants to show you something, it will first point, then suggest, then get insistent, and then start smacking you around. This is a generic “you” I refer to. Every time that you refuse to get the message, whether out of denial or fear or what have you, it hits harder. It’ll rip your arm off if it comes to it, if that will get the message through.

I can’t tell you why you were abused as a child and why you weren’t given a seemingly fair shake from the starting gate. I don’t know. But I know that within each of us is the will, the power, to overcome our obstacles and triumph over adversity. The only truth that ever matters is what is good and right in your heart, and you must somehow find the strength to make those good and right choices — regardless of the pain, regardless of how hard it is, and regardless of how the deck may have been stacked against you.

There IS something that guides us, that will shine the light for us to find our way out of the darkness, but the beacon of that light is within you. You can’t seek it in me, or in Meridjet, or in your priest. You can’t seek it in a church or the runes or in an impressive and inspiring scene of nature. But you can use these things to help you find the state of mind that lets you open to the light and the voice within you, and when you open (and it hurts to open, but it’s so worth it) you will find the strength and the hope to go forward.

Never allow any circumstance to take that away from you. It is there, no matter what. Fear clouds our sight, and stress & worry close our hearts to the very thing that will relieve them. It’s a human response to pain, but you must overcome those reactions, even for a minute here and a minute there. Keep meditating, and use that time to open your heart and your inner listener to the strength that will bring you home — to yourself, and to your personal connection to the divine.

The only thing you can do now is begin a new course. Do the right thing, atone for your past, accept responsibility for your choices regardless of why you made them, and hold within to the knowledge that it all matters because of what it has wrought within you. This is the fire that tempers the steel of the sword, and the chisel that chips away the stone to uncover the work of art beneath. Don’t fight it. Allow, open, and you will find what you need. Trust in the process.

That’s the best I can give you, and it’s from the heart.

Be well.

Sheta Kaey

I hope it helps, but if I know anything, it’s that fear is a tough situation to master, and when faced with overwhelming circumstances, it can seem impossible to do. Doing the right thing is easy to advise to someone else, and harder to do for oneself. It’s not always clear what the right thing is. But I’m no shining beacon for others to follow; I’m not an example to emulate or an authority to consult. All I can do is show compassion, and point back to you. You have the answers to your own problems, no matter what they are, within you. The way home is not outward, it’s inward. Blaming anyone else for anything that has happened is a waste of time and energy — and this is a mistake I make as much as anyone else. None of us are flawless, and the reason religions exist is to exalt “perfect” example(s) of rightness to provide a model for us to strive toward. I am not that model. Meridjet is not that model (except, perhaps, to me). But in your heart, if you throw off everything but the essence of you, you can find the model you need.

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt quite so inadequate.

Edit to add: He replied. I thought I’d share.

Thank you so much. Deep down I guess I knew that what you told me was the truth all along, but it doesn’t make it any less scary. The reading I did for myself yesterday told me that my fear of this journey was hampering my growth. That is true but going through the most terrifying ordeal of my life so far is going to make it hard to focus. I wrote a poem not too long ago about how cruel the steel must think the hammer and anvil are while it is being shaped, and I feel that’s the way I need to look at things. I know that sooner or later this will be over and I will be stronger, much stronger for it. The pain and loss I am causing my children almost does not seem worth it to me, but I realize that they have their own path as well and I can only hope they come out of this stronger as well. Thank you so much again for the kind words of advice. I’m going to print your e-mail and read it when times are hard.

Sheta Kaey About Sheta Kaey

I teach people to perceive, communicate, and work with spirits. Beyond that, I'm kinda normal.

Sometimes I write things. Sometimes I edit things. Sometimes, people even see them.

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