Perhaps it hasn’t been readily apparent in this blog recently, but I’m very much an optimist. I have always been a live-in-the-moment type of person, and while that can get me into trouble financially due to not thinking ahead, it does a world of good for my peace of mind. It’s not a perfect system, but what is?
Through Meridjet, I learned to let go of things I have no control over. I learned patience, tolerance, and adaptability. Back in the early days in Seattle, when Xanquela, Meridjet and I were first starting to practice what I came to call “Processing,” we used to encounter regular exercises in the art of letting go. I noticed that releasing a fear (and it’s all based on fear, that holding too tightly stuff) is something that is contrary to instinct, and every single time it was my turn to let go, I had to struggle with my instinctive internal grasp. It was as if I relearned it each time. Letting go is the easiest thing in the world, and the hardest. It';s an enormous struggle, and then when you finally reach the moment wherein it is possible, it just… flows. It’s instantaneous, and you find yourself wondering why it had been so hard to allow yourself to do it.
Letting go isn’t the same thing as ignoring a problem. Ignoring something internalizes it, forces it deeper inside so that it eats at you unconsciously, triggering your fear response at any new stimulus that touches that hidden issue. Letting go removes the trigger, and allows healing to begin. I’m not trying to go all psychobabble on you, but the feeling of swallowing an emotional response is profoundly different from the feeling of releasing one. My guide Henry (the one who brought Meridjet to me) was a tough teacher, and he knew how to push buttons. Meridjet evidently made a good student, since upon his return in 1999 he took over the job (after obtaining my blessing). One of my fondest memories, for some odd reason, of back in the days when we talked to Henry on the Ouija board (I know what it sounds like) was when he had pissed me off and I was cussing him. I accused him of something that I immediately recognized as projection, and his reply was, “Heed your words!” It would be easy to dismiss that as the spirit on the board reading my thoughts, or me subconsciously moving the planchette… but I wasn’t the medium for these sessions. Usually when I operate a Ouija board with someone, I “hear” the messages before they are spelled out. But with Xanquela, Henry, and Meridjet, I never did. Xanquela heard them. He sometimes thought he was creating the messages, but I promise you they were beyond his skill level. And moving the planchette? No. We barely touched it firmly enough to keep up. One hand each, very lightly touching, and the thing zipped around at speed.
Meridjet is adamant that I go to bed; I think he has an agenda. So the rest of this post must be postponed. Stay tuned.