My sleep schedule is completely wonky right now, so I got up at 2:30 a.m. (It’s now 5:09 a.m.) I could probably sleep pretty easily again, but I slept nearly 10 hours, so I’m going to piddle around with the site a little bit before giving in and lying down again. I hope y’all don’t mind putting up with me a while.
This next archival post is from 12 October 2003 and refers to the one I posted yesterday, from 11 October. There’s some redundancy:
Yesterday Meridjet was mostly silent, and when I could hear him he was still being manipulative and contradicting himself over and over (making it obvious that it was intentional). So I basically stewed in the Process all day, and damn if I could tell if anything was happening. I took a whole Ativan rather than my usual half (I think I mentioned that) and was kinda zoned. Then later I also had a Vicodin for a headache and so I started feeling pretty high and sleepy.
Went to bed and he finally decided to be more communicative. He was very reassuring. We had sex and I went to sleep around 5 a.m. and slept til 3 o’clock this afternoon (again). I’m still feeling a bit wonky. Haven’t had any Ativan today though. He’s been quiet again today but I don’t have any sense of pressure from his direction like I’ve had the past couple of days. I’m hoping for some clarity soon and hopefully some companionship. I don’t mind things being drudged up to deal with, but it bugs me when all the “dealing” is completely internal and I can’t track progress at all. For all I know nothing even progressed in the last two days. :-/
Some of these archival posts are fairly boring, but if they have anything at all pertinent, I want to go ahead and include them. This blog needs to contain as much information as I can safely post publicly. I would use the import tool to import all of the posts except for two problems: One, some stuff is not ready for public exposure, and two, I have no idea what importing 2000 posts would do to my RSS feed and the readers. I think that would be just a tad overwhelming. So I’ll be using the slow and manual method instead.