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Archival Post - Kinky
2nd April 2008 22:57 ∞ Empathic link, From our original archives, Kink, Processing, Relationship ∞ RSS 2.0
This one is a little more kink information than I’ve ever put out here publicly, so you’ll have to click the cut link if you want to read it. 
We spent the early fall of 2003 in the beginnings of open exploration of our tendencies for D/s and light discipline and bondage. Ahem. From October 9, 2003:
“I’ve been dealing a little bit with feelings of freakishness, wondering why I am enjoying being ‘mistreated.’ I also have wondered why Meridjet enjoys hitting me. (Obviously all the play is astral, and sensation is pretty limited for now.) Last night he gave me a view of his perspective. He invited me into his mind, more or less, and showed me how it felt to be in his position. I got a taste of liking control and domination. It was kind of cool, and I understood much better. He’s not sadistic, and doesn’t want to actually hurt me, but enjoys the feeling of disciplining and controlling my arousal thru his actions.
“There hasn’t been a lot going on for the last few days. I haven’t been making very many public entries for a while. I’m still Processing but it’s not my primary conscious focus. Things come up every day or two (like the above), and he usually deals with them at night, through discussion or whatever is appropriate. He also slips me information by writing things in emails to Don. M says that his main focus is still energy work, with the deeper ongoing Process work being on self-simmer.”
I was questioning whether or not I (and he) were fucked up people for doing these things. He also has something of a sadistic side, but I’m still not clear on how much, four and a half years later. The ability to access sadism in him is at turns hot and scary. I suppose that’s a normal reaction. But I still struggle with how much of an admission to myself I can take, or how much of one is necessary.
Stay tuned.
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All content ©Sheta Kaey 2002 and beyond for Spirit Companion.com. This work is licensed under a 
Creative Commons 3.0 United States License. Some Rights Reserved.
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