I’ve been busy cleaning house today (well, yesterday, more accurately), trying to get a lot of work done while my roommate is out of town. I haven’t been to sleep yet but I’m heading that way momentarily. I wanted to post a quick archival post from August 19, 2003, so that the blog wouldn’t go without a post for the night.
This post contains potential TMI of a sexual nature, so I’m going to put in a cut. You can read the bulk of it by clicking the link. Also, please ignore the lousy writing. I am tempted to clean it up but I try to leave my archives as they were originally written. I consider it more honest.
“Last night I was still closed up and more or less blocking Meridjet [my spirit companion]. Don came on and we were talking and I was trying to perceive Meridjet, to involve him in the conversation. He told me that he wasn’t going to participate until I felt a clear desire for him. This was disturbing, since basically I was feeling nothing. Intellectually, I wanted him, but I couldn’t feel it. This situation went on for about a couple of hours. I was having a horrible time trying to open. At some point, I started to cry (second time this week, and it was probably two years prior to that the last time I cried). Then it stopped and I felt inert again. A few minutes later I felt a distinct surge in my heart chakra, as if he were feeding me. This reminded me that the night before, though I hadn’t made any significant contact, while laying in bed I felt several of these little feeding surges. This is something I normally only feel when we are exchanging energy, and I’ve never had it happen like this, without me giving back. [EDIT same date: He clarified that this was to help open my heart chakra, kind of in a comforting way.] I then realized that in spite of my being essentially emotionless and not feeling remotely sexy, my kundalini was active as hell.
“Things improved as we went through the final hour of chat, and by the end of it I was pretty open (comparatively speaking). Meridjet got more and more involved and opened up to me as well. (He was clearly ahead of me on that level.) Went to bed at 3 and had extremely intense sex resulting in multiple simultaneous, overlapping orgasm(s). (I think that was a first.) By then it was close to 5 and I didn’t go to sleep since I had to get up at 5:45 anyway.
“This entry doesn’t satisfy me. . . it doesn’t do the night justice, from my perspective. It was a powerful night of work for me. The sex wouldn’t even have been possible if I had remained in the same condition in which I started the evening.”
This was early enough in our relationship that I didn’t have a lot of understanding about how my emotional state affected our connection. I’ll be sure to include more information on opening when I do my post on doubt.