I found another post that had something worth documenting here. Here’s the pertinent portion (August 2003):
“Saturday night while chatting w/Don, Meridjet started coming in pretty well and I opened to let him talk to Don. . . he was coming through stronger on that level than he has since ’99 or ’00. It went alright for a while, then he said something that didn’t feel right and that Don didn’t agree with, and I panicked and thought I was getting in the way of it. I kind of spiraled into another doubtfest and got upset. After a few minutes I calmed down, and after a while we wrapped up chat without Meridjet speaking again, and I went to bed. I took some Excedrin PM because I was wide awake at 3 a.m. and hadn’t slept well the previous night (morning). So I went to sleep without paying any attention to Meridjet, and slept til about 1:30 p.m.
“Sunday (yesterday) was busy all day and I never really thought about him at all. When Don came online, I remembered and started focusing to try to perceive him. He was complaining that I was blocking him out and [said] that the previous night, after getting upset, I had essentially shut down and he was locked out. I apparently have a tendency to do that. It’s like this flat, emotionless state that nothing can bother. The problem is, opening back up is really hard to do. It’s like relaxing for biofeedback: you feel relaxed already, but the alarm says different. I myself don’t understand why he can’t get through that, but he apparently can’t, at least not with his current methods”
This is still largely true — when I get really upset, it’s difficult to open to him sufficiently to hear well, and sometimes I can’t perceive him at all. Nowadays, if I know I’ve got a sensitive issue to ask him about and there’s a risk of my getting upset about it, I’ll often ask a friend to mediate for me. I have several who can hear him pretty consistently. I’ll tell you more about that next time.